Thumbnail that screams midlife crisis meets REI catalog.

Our hero stands proud beside his silver Outback like it’s a Clydesdale at the county fair. Black T-shirt with a pine-tree silhouette—because nothing says “alpha” like a walking Patagonia ad. Cargo pants with more pockets than a magician’s coat, each stuffed with trail mix and existential dread.

The overlay blares: HOW TO BE A MANLY SUBARU OWNER followed by the sacred hand signs: 

Translation: Point down to the all-wheel drive, salute the flag, then point up to the roof rack that’s never seen a kayak. Bonus points if you mispronounce “AWD” as “aww-d” while flexing.

He’s one Thru-Hiking TikTok away from trading the beard oil for beard wax shaped like a carabiner. The crying emoji? That’s for the day he parallel-parks at Whole Foods and accidentally buys oat-milk lattes for the entire lesbian soccer team in the next Outback over.

Bro, your head gaskets are weeping, but your vibe is adventure-ready.

Pointers for men who buy Subarus: ?? pic.twitter.com/4RBuuIbUvi

— AlphaFox (@Alphafox78) November 3, 2025